Tire

I only remember

the feel of the tire arched against my

back as I smiled for you,

My hands intertwined with the steel cords

I wished was your hair

And lying open, hoping

and hoping still as you walked on

That one touch of your arm around

my shoulder- a brief flutter of

your imagination, or mine?

And I think that sitting, joking on the couch

we might have kissed if they weren't there

and if it wouldn't have seemed trite.

When we stood today, watching

(incidentally) close close close

I could tell that your shoulder, your arm at least

remembered

the unresolved almost of the night.

Resolution

All I really want is a community of interesting people to talk to and the freedom to do so at any time, in any way.

College has given me both of these freedoms, but it will be all I can do not to break the fragile beauty of the current arrangement.

The most present threat to this dream of freedom is my own neurotic drive to do everything, under a variety of false impressions, not the least of which is that more classes=more learning. More classes DO NOT mean more learning; I illustrated the beautifully this morning by reading deep, interesting, and philosophical essays before class, then spending class time zoning out and making dead baby jokes. Partially, this is because I connected better with the essays than with the class, and partly I just couldn't hear my professor, but the example remains true; I can learn better, perhaps, outside of class.

This changes the objective of college a great deal. My new objective, then, should be stated:

Stay here, in college (for the community and the freedoms) while taking as few classes as possible (because this gives me more time to really learn).

Soul-finding

Sometimes I forget my soul.

I get caught up in the stuff of life ("real life") and I love it! It's so much fun and games until

Suddenly I remember the world.

I step out and think,

"THIS is life."

What was I doing in there?

I know there's more here I am

Everything else is superfluous.

It's sometimes all I can do not to run right back in and write it all down so that it's committed to "real" life.