Epiphany

I was out running today, with headphones on, and settled into the rhythm: even breathing, steady footfalls, and on my fifth or sixth song. Suddenly, a branch knocked my headphones off, and all I could hear was my own breath and my footfalls on the muddy path. It was amazing how quickly I became aware of my surroundings: the trees on either side, covered in snow, the puddle ahead... how's that for a metaphor?

Anyway, I was just thinking about life. Fratello (a rather painfully obvious pseudonym, especially if you know Italian) was talking to me about how much different it is to be 18: no more Boy Scouts, college apps turned in, legality, etc. Then he turned back to the computer to work on homework, literally and metaphorically putting the headphones back on. I mean, he hasn't graduated yet, and there are still IB exams.

I wonder what it'll be like to lose the routine? Not college, because that's pretty much structured, too. I guess by then most people get jobs, are in relationships, etc. and the structure continues.

Wow, now I'm disillusioned. I guess that's how people like Alexander Supertramp come about (if you haven't read Into the Wild, go read it).

What kind of person finds metaphors in real life, anyway? They aren't intentional, placed by the author (well, unless you want to get all religious..).
It becomes apparent that IB has eaten my soul.

Philosophy is no cure for insomnia.

I always get the best ideas when I'm trying hardest not to think.
Now, what does that say about me?

I wish I could be wild all the time
like I sometimes let myself be.

Not wild so much as impulsive.
It's just more fun.

Instead, I retreat into
Sarcasm, the retreat of those inclined to condescension
In unfamiliar territory
Which is nearly everywhere, these days.

It's odd to be so worldly and naive.

Experiment

1.
How do you capture a moment?
It's time, you know. It's hard to hold on to well.
Words don't work, but they're better than
I don't know, maybe they're just

I like words. They work for me.


2.
Well, working for is so
It's so confining
So much of one working for the other
Like one controlling.
They work for me
I work for them
We cooperate. It's not really work, because
It just works.

3.
What's wrong with time moving on?
People try to capture moments
(as though time could be ensnared, like a beast)
But sometimes they're so
They capture the moment instead of living it
Until maybe the moment was never there
But for the captured proof.

4.
We live in the present because
The future's not here yet
And it's really hard to go back
And anyway, the past is only so interesting.

5.
I still like to look at photographs
Of things I've done.

6.
What I'm writing now- words-
Am I trying to catch a moment?
No, it's just a thought.

Much better. I'll put it in a cage so I can look at it
And poke my finger through the bars
And hope it doesn't bite.

7.
It's not capturing.
Sure, that's what people say
But it's just documentation
For a bureaucratic God.
God needs proof? Not omnipresent, I guess.
Or perhaps the proof is for someone else.
Anyway, capturing's not it at all.
It's just the word we use.
Words.
And here I thought words and I were getting along so well.
Perhaps I'll put them in the cage too, and then we'll see which one captures the other:
Ideas, or their expression?